Little Girl, You're In the Middle: Chestnut, Illinois

VITAL STATS:

Chestnut, Illinois

Population: 246

Area: .110 square miles

County: Logan

Cast Members: Your Intrepid Blogger, Doctor Doctorman

Visited On: July 2, 2011

I always wonder what towns like Chestnut are thinking.

Chestnut is the geographic center of Illinois (here, I'll prove it), and, well, just take a look at what they've done with that.

Now, I think that's a fine little monument. I like that stark, WPA-style. It tells you all you need to know, and it doesn't distract you with a bunch of errata.

But I have to ask, did the city fathers really think that was gonna bring in tourists or visitors or anything (does a town like Chestnut even HAVE "city fathers"? Maybe not- it's not even officially a town, it's another census-designate place)? Did they think ANY kind of monument would bring people in, if all it's marking is the geographic center of the state?

Was it not about tourism at all? Did they just want to stake their claim? And if so, why? Did they think all that was standing between Chestnut as it was and Chestnut as a thriving metropolis was geographic recognition (I'm suddenly reminded of what I always heard about Illiopolis, that it's name was supposed to make it a shoe-in for being the state capital. Job well fucking done.)

Was it completely out of their hands? Did they state do it? Did...did Aliens put it in? OH MY GOD, DID THE MAYANS DO IT? WE COULD TURN MODERN ARCHEOLOGY ON ITS EAR!

What I'm asking is, what did they expect when they built this? What did they think building this would accomplish?

My guess- well, my guess is twofold. First of all, I guess that I'm overthinking it (And I am correct). But I also guess that I was getting pretty close by noting the WPA style- it was probably just something to build to put men to work. But I think even the most "hire men to dig a whole, then hire them to fill it back in" projects had SOME justification.

In a perfect world, I would ask the people of Chestnut what they thought. But alas, Chestnut is an unperfect and broken sort of world:

This is the main drag of Chestnut. (And "main drag" is the scientific term for the busiest streets in towns like Chestnut. Go ahead, just ask your local science-tician.) So if Chestnut's city fathers hoped that that monument was gonna spur on some activity, I guess they'd be pretty disappointed right now. Luckily, they're probably all dead. (Phew!)

Even the grain silo looks like it's in pretty bad shape. Look at that train track, it's grown pretty fallow.

I could spend a few more paragraphs obsessing over the construction of the monument and its effect on the development of Chestnut, or I could give you a closer look at it and make more snarky comments. Let's go:

This is exactly what I would expect a monument on the geographic center of Illinois to say.

Okay, so...all the corn is to the west?

And all the trains are to the south! Yeah, that makes sense, 'cause Doctor Doctorman's dad is a train conductor, and he lives in Southern Illinois.

See, now I'm just worried that if Batman finds this, he's gonna think the Riddler kidnapped a family and is hiding them in the east part of the state. DANVILLE, BATMAN IS COMING TO FUCK YOUR SHIT UP.

And...wait, what? Is the whole state of Illinois to the north? Or just the center? But isn't Chestnut the center? Is Chestnut north of Chestnut? Did M.C. Esher design this?

Doctor Doctorman and I checked in at the only open store in town, this antique shop.

The people there were pretty adamant that there was nothing else to do in Chestnut besides visiting their store (which makes the dangerous assumption that visiting it is something worth doing- though I guess it did get me this picture of Doctor Doctorman in a hat-

-still, is that really enough, I ask?). They kept talking about going to Mt. Pulaski or Kenney- but they also kept talking specifically about the antique stores in each town, so I guess we were talking to a very specific sort of person.

So, I may not know what there is to do in Chestnut, and I may not know what the town had ever hoped to become. But I do know one thing: This water pump just don't work:

Nonetheless, I watched Doctor Doctorman try for like, half an hour.

Other notes:

1) Don't worry, the center pillar isn't the only monument in Chestnut:

2) Friend of the Blog Jeremy Pelzer, here's the paper they get:

3) Jesus, Chestnut needs even more help than I thought:

4) Heads up, readers from the city:

5) It was so hot when we visited, our shoes actually melted a little. It was so hot, we willingly drank Mt. Dew. It was so hot, it was basically our Viet Nam- and Doctor Doctorman was actually IN Viet Nam.

6) I am aware that there are possible dick-jokes involved in the shape of the monument. Feel free to leave your best ones in the comments.